Embracing your intuitive innocence
Embracing your intuitive innocence
And
It’s begging destiny:
(When life grabs you and imposes that reality on you despite your mundane denials of it)
Somewhere around six-to-eight years old I had a premonition about ‘Me’ (in its prescient introductory appearance) being the social, emotionally detached person from my (thought of at the time) peers (really coincidental contemporaries). I went whimpering to my father about this cognizance of my future self. He responded in patronizing assurance that it was a passing mood of mine which I should dismiss.
I took that advice and continued within the temporal convention’s paradigms, dismissing and disregarding the underlying events that led to that intuitive conclusion by me. The underlying conditions were that my relative solitary and insulated exposure from the social norms and ways of my age peers and adult contemporaries during my pre-K years had estranged me from them which disaffected them from me. The juxtaposition of that relationship was irrelevant and besides the point of my presence and purpose in that particular milieu-school. I was there to gain knowledge, first, and to know others if incidentally feasible.It was a perfectly logically trained attitude to have.
What I had yet to realize was that others were consciously motivated by their emotions and their possible expedient application. That mindset had its unique broadcasting radiation of vibes that I picked up, as they picked up my contrarian vibes. That interaction of intersecting vibes was the literal visceral estrangement between me and them. That’s why ME presciently appeared, recurrently, to give me that sense of marginalized detachment from those circumstances.
It was more than those momentary strong and acute reactions by me, if not by the social environment. It was a ‘tell’ for me that ‘Their’ ways weren’t my ways. That later became the evolved cognizance that My ways had their own mission and purpose, other than the pedestrian roles I was performing that were not related to my ’sacred’ core construct. By some genetic design reinforced by cryptic and symbolic, demographic hints and clues, I, as probably others, had an optimal function to perform in a near unavoidably predestined duty.
That particular function for me that I’d had that precocious sense about as a 6-to-8 year old, became explicitly articulated on Saturday, August 15th 1970, circa 330pm at the corner of Howard and Congress Ave-New Haven Connecticut [then, minus the present Yale University building expansion].
There I was on the southwest corner of Congress and Howard was involved in a discussion of perspectives with ‘Me’, ‘Self’, and ‘I’. Realizing the highly neurotic nature of that 3-way interaction with myself as an onlooker, I concluded that I’d gone past my wits ends into some manic state. I then asked the question,”What am I supposed to do now?” that was answered so: “Do what ya gotta do and keep on getting on up. There’s no time to explain to the uncomprehending or the questioning.”.
Knowing my present associations of family, relatives, ‘friends’ and acquaintances, this exhortation was an inherent, implicit call to be detached and estranged from nearly all of them, if I was to be in any coherence, let alone the more unfeasible adherence, with that exhortation. It brought me back to that prescient sense that I had about myself when I was of grammar school age.
This time I was more intellectually curious about its feasibility, than I was intimidated by its profound emotional ramifications. The ‘trail of tears’ of sorrowful passings and untimely deaths had begun, and I’d been emotionally inoculated by that commencement of tangible emotional separation from those whom I’d cared for. Also, the previous Spring during the May Day ‘70 protest a de facto demarcation between the intent, commitment, and will of my personality with those whose actions didn’t have much congruence with their more hyperbolic-rhetoric and posturings. I’d found myself, incidentally, by that demarcation.
Experientially and empirically I had yet to perceive the extrapolating generalizations that existed in the microcosm of those present associations to the ubiquitous applications that would be relevant in the scores of years ahead. It would take the twists and turns through the interacting channels of meeting and acquainting my ‘self’ with other situations of people that a pattern emerged: I could take the view that it was me who hadn’t adapted and conformed to the ways of the times, or that not only the times had incongruities with my soul imperatives, but that my soul imperative ran on a different derivative slope from the behavioral algorithms of most of my contemporaries.
Why was I on this slope? What purpose was it for? The exigencies and situational imperatives led me through the paths and rabbit-holes of my ego’s emotional desires and want dramas to this minimalist discipline of the process of simplicity, efficiency, discipline, and elegance. Simplicity, just those duties and those things necessary to accomplish those duties. Efficiency, the most mechanical, non-emotional drama logical way of doing things, going from any point-A to point-B. Discipline, the best simplistic and efficient repetitive recreations of behavior for those empirically optimal results. Elegance, the flourish of mechanical meticulousness in the process of seeking to have those empirical, optimal results.
In adapting, accommodating, and submitting myself to that matrix of thought I encountered the precipitated atmospherics derived from those actions. Those atmospherics opened up a dimension of knowledge whose effects on the consequences of my actions took me to the proverbial not being ‘led into [unnecessary] temptations and [thus] delivered from [their] evils of obstructive consequences to the elegant functioning I could have, otherwise.
That “elegant functioning” conjures a gracious state of resilient functional bridges to and through portals of ever-increasing contentment with my state of vitality, performance, and moment-to-moment logistical dispositions that bodes well for my prospective future options. Those future options would appear to include the surreally occult transcendence of an arm's-length, at the least, inoculation of immunity from the tar babies and sink-holes of energy draining vitality, needed by your cognitive mechanisms for its traversing into the realms of the prescient and the fortuitously graced present from the absence of the tar babies and sink-holes of ill-consequence.
It is the functioning of the obligatorily necessary kinetic use of energy, so that a greater abundance of reserved potential energy is there for system processing. Plus system improvisational projecting innovations beyond your mundane needs to the energy utilization of signals picked up from the subliminal awareness, now more operational by the limits on the kinetic energy wastes.
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