Other than in Guilt or in Hedonism

I was trained to be tempered with guilt and I learned how to indulge in hedonistic pleasure .. Both are tangent extremes of a more transcendent process of being in a tuned-in resonance with your intuitional-Self that at a level of intense coherence with your intuition is also part of a matrix network of the radiating data of Time.

It’s for all of us embedded with in our genome, but the cultures have us operating at a neglectful level of this capacity, mainly because of the provincial-centric mentality of cultures in their self-centered orientation and vanity. In that consciously, self-distractive state we make this gift a latent appendage of our conscious operating mechanisms.

Guilt tells of  the forbidden, missed, wasted or neglected opportunities. Because of any of those four feelings, you find yourself inhibited to inhibited to reluctant to seize the moment. Hedonism is the satiation for satiation-sake of the moment with little to no reflection on the nature of what the pleasurable signals means in the phenomenology of its presence.

My first guilty pleasure came in the emptied cardboard box of a refrigerator container. To get a piece of candy I had to curse “God” in some way.  I think I said the ultimate defamation “god damn, God” for that piece of candy (my pre-cognizant Judas payment). The shame of breaking that paradigm of the sacrality of the name and the ‘personhood’ of “God, the Lord” was equaled by the fear of short and long-term retribution that would befall me..

The next guilty pleasure was when I was given the license to feel up and explore the body of this girl in my senior class-my first encounter of this type. It was done in the rear of the side lawn’s ground growth. I suspected that when my parents drove up from their night out that the headlights of the car revealed my presence in that ground growth. They never said anything to me about it, but the looks they gave me induced fears of their knowing what I didn’t want them to know..

In my hedonism there was a cavalier wantonness in my regard for any negative consequences for the weed or the psychedelics I was ingesting. All I cared about were the pleasures I was sensing physically and mentally during those trips on those drugs. I felt in a liberated state of freedom of doing and being how I wanted to be. There were no bounds, just the amorphousness of the boundaries of my perception of the experience.

Yet,  the emotional confluence of these two contrasting, cognitive states came a synthesis that may be called a rationalizing justification. That ‘rationalization’ was that the hedonism took me to the supra-secular narratives for being, while the guilt in its defining accusations created the architecture of articulation which made the phenomenas of the drug-induced experience of some profound significance.

The significance was conceived to be a fateful karma of fortuitous realizations. Those realizations depicted a realm that came to be seen as having a telemetric connection to my subconscious. That connection existed in my rationalizing from what was either embedded in my being or animistically and pervasively exists in all the forms of our sensory field of cognitions. But for our anthro-centric, self-distracting preoccupations we’d be the receptors  of these cosmic signals of our sensory environment.

These signals are the accumulations of all thoughts of time-immemorial.  By whatever is the physiological energy level of our body exciting our mental processes, we are at different levels of frequency that can tune into different logos channels-from the most mindless reactive to the most expanded threads of reasoning. Each in its own ways has practical benefits for us.

Holistically together, they help us arrive at the most optimal level of vitality for our contemporaneous state of mind and-or our transcending state of conscious operation. Where ever we are emotionally and mentally, there is an optimal (algorithmic) function for that state of consciousness. In many instances there is a definite limit to the bounds of that state, since the options available in the maze of the matrix we’ve chosen has their own defined limits. Also there is a series of options, due to their own abstract fungibility, that have a seemingly more indefinite series of options we may have..

“IT’s ALL GOOD” in being this way, since we are creations of a nihilistic Time in its own intercourse of insemination with its different phenomena as their interactions procreate the spectrum of energy to matter to energy forms that give utilizable tools for the prospective possibilities of organic and intuitive arrangements with and for each other in the abstract that may be seized upon by guilt or pleasurable sensations of its operational units for their symbiotic or synergistic development or deconstruction.
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